The Pacifica Military Moms
Serving Those Who Serve Our Country
Support For New Moms
So your family member is Joining the Military....... Congratulations! Your son/daughter is among the millions that have decided to join the military. Common questions that run through a family member's mind: What happens next? Do I support my child in this decision? I'm afraid. I didn't plan on this. How do I talk him/her out of this? Relax! You son/daughter has their own reasons for joining the military and serving for the greatest nation in the world. Trying to talk them out of it is a normal reaction, but when they turn 18 keep in mind that they can pretty much do whatever they want, with your support or without it. Your child is in a different frame of mind now. They want to accomplish something that only they can do on their own. Without the help (I didn't say without the support) of someone cheering them on to make them do better.
The first thing they will do is meet with a recruiter. The recruiter will give them basic information so that they are informed. The next step is to take the ASVAB test. This is the entrance test that everyone joining the military must take. I purchased the ASVAB book at Barnes and Noble a few weeks before the test so that my son would be prepared for what to expect. He was also able to take a "pre-test" at the recruiters office to see how well he would do without studying. The better they do on the ASVAB test, the more likely they will get a job in the catagory that they want.
Once they take the test and find out the results, they pick the job they qualify for (this depends on how they score on the test. There are different categories for different scores. The better they score, the more jobs are available to them). The recruiter will notify you within the next few weeks of the date that they need to show up at the MEPS site to go to basic training or boot camp.
What do they take with them? The recruiter will give you a list of items they need to bring with them.
Where will they live? They will live in barracks which is a large room with bunk beds and a closet and there is a bathroom for them to share.
Will they be fed? Of course! The military won't starve our kids! They have breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Will they get to sleep in? NO! They can't party all night or sleep in all day like we let them do! They get up at around 5am and do physical training and then they eat breakfast. More training and then lunch. More training and then dinner.
After 9 weeks or so of basic training, they may go on to more advanced training towards their chosen job. Once that training is almost done and they find out that they'll graduate, they'll notify you of the graduation date. Don't expect them to notify you ahead of time. You'll find out approximately 2 weeks before graduation. You won't have enough time to purchase those cheep airline tickets ahead of time to save money. Make the reservations as soon as you get the exact date and time.
After graduation they will find out where they will be stationed next. Our experience is that he/she will come home for approximately two weeks and then they'll be off to their first duty station. I found that it was very helpful to get cell phone numbers of my son's buddies. This way, if my son's cell phone is not working or turned off, I can call one his buddies and get a message to him.
Most military personnel get "leave" of approximately two weeks, twice a year. During this two week "leave", don't make any plans for your son/daughter. They He/she will first want to be welcomed home by the family and as soon as they could possibly leave, they will want to hook up with their friends for longer periods of time. The best thing for you is not to expect anything and you won't be disappointed. You'll experience this on your own the first time your soldier comes home on leave.
Here are some helpful tips for family members:
Get a passport at the post office as soon as possible. If your soldier is injured during a deployment, they will be sent to a hospital in Germany. Having your passport will allow you to travel to be with your soldier. The post office requires two passport photos and will take these photos for you at a charge of $15.00. COSTCO only charges $5.99 for these photos.
Always keep your cell phone with you (like a piece of jewelry) so that you never miss his call. Some parents get an 800 number so that the soldier can call home for free.
If you bank at the same bank: Go into your local bank with your soldier and have the bank link your son's back account to yours so that when he calls asking for money, all you have to do is transfer money from your account to his. Transferring money from your account to his can be done easily online too (I speak from experience. I can't tell you how many times my son called me asking me if I could put money into his account so that he can buy a pizza for dinner. I wish the Army taught them how to budget money!!!). Each soldier needs an ATM card. His paychecks will get direct deposited into his checking account and he can pull money out of the account using his ATM card.
Calling Cards:
DOMESTIC: Most calling cards from your local supermarket work from payphones inside the United States and make good gifts to give a soldier at his going away party if relatives don't know what to give them as a gift.
INTERNATIONAL: Once a soldier is deployed, we found that they'll need an AT&T international calling card. Most bases overseas locations have AT&T phones and they must have an AT&T calling card to use these phones. These cards can be ordered online and they are mailed to you. If you do this months ahead of time you can give them to your soldier BEFORE he deploys. Check out the following website and purchase them online at AAFES.com We recommend this website because these are the types of cards that you can add money to. All you need is the 800 number and the pin number on the back of the card so that you can add extra minutes on it simply using your credit card. There are free phones that the soldiers can use to call home, but the lines are long. Giving them calling cards allows them to use any payphone and they don't have to stand in line.
Do's and Don'ts:
Do expect to cry often. It's not everyday that our kids leave our comfort zone.
Don't expect family, friends and co-workers to know how you feel. Unless they have or had a soldier in the military, they just don't get it!
Do find a local support group of families with military soldiers. The one's who have already "been there and done that" can give you tips on how to survive emotionally.
Do be careful driving! You will find it difficult concentrating on anything, but please be careful on the roads. Sometimes it's the best time to let it out and cry and you can vent without upsetting other people.
Do expect to get angry as you watch people go about their everyday lives. It will seem surreal to you, as your world seems so different.
Don't believe that watching CNN 24/7 will tell you everything. The safety of our troops and international relations is more important than our immediate need to know. Accept that fact and turn off the TV.
Don't press for information your Soldier can't tell you. More than anything I'm sure you want to know exactly where they are. Accept the fact that there are things they cannot tell you. Example: My son is in Iraq. Period. I have no idea where and I won't find out until he comes home.
Do put a pad of paper near your phone and write down things you want to ask or tell them. It may be awhile before you get a phone call but it can come at any hour of the day or night and you are going to be SO excited that there's no way you're going to remember what questions you have unless they're written down. Keep your conversations uplifting. Try not to let them know how you suffer, because it hurts them to think they are causing you pain. They need to focus on their jobs. They want to know how you and their loved ones are. Always end every conversation with I LOVE YOU. When deployed, always begin a conversation with I LOVE YOU in case you get cut off before the end of the conversation. When they call from overseas you will hear a delay in the line before you hear their voice. Make it a habit not to hang up the phone until you hear a voice on the other end of the line.
Do remember that you have other members in your family that need you too! Don't just plaster your soldiers pictures on the living room wall if you have more than one child.
When Our Soldier Deploys: The soldier will be completing a Power of Attorney and mailing it to a relative a few days before he deploys. This POA should be placed inside an envelope and taped to your refrigerator along with the soldier's name, rank, branch, address, social security number and cell phone number to reach him at (if stationed inside the U.S.). If there is an emergency at home, the military sends a First Responder to the home. The First Responder is trained to check the refrigerator for an envelope containing the soldier's contact (or personal) information. This is usually taught to every soldier during basic training.
Most soldiers have a My Space or Facebook account. Figure out how to add not only your soldier's profile to your account, but those of his military buddies too. I was able to see that one of them were online while they were deployed to Iraq and it eased my mind. Although I had to offer a care package to whichever of his buddies added me to their account, it worked! Most soldiers also have some type of instant messenger program. Find out which one they use and download it onto your computer. My son used AIM (Aim Instant Messenger), so I logged on each day when I got to work and I could see when he logged on. I told him that I would have AIM turned on all day while at work, just in case he needed to talk to me. His buddies also allowed me to add them to my account, but it was agreed that I wouldn't use it unless I needed them to get a message to my son right away.
What To Do In Cases of Emergency To Get Your Soldier Home - This information should be placed inside the envelope on your refrigerator AND inside your wallet (in case you are not home). If there is a medical emergency with a relative of the soldier, someone MUST call the Red Cross at 1-800-951-5600 in order to have him sent home (preferably a relative, but sometimes that is not possible). Don't try calling the soldier on his cell phone and ask him to fly home, it MUST be done through the Red Cross. The Red Cross will need the following information to open a case: Soldiers FULL name, Social Security Number, Date of Birth, if inside the United States they'll need the base that the soldier is stationed at. If outside the United States, they'll need his military address. They also need his Rank and Branch of Service. The Doctor's name and phone number and the name of the hospital will also be requested at that time. As soon as they hang up with you, they will call the doctor. Be sure to tell the doctor ahead of time that the Red Cross will be phoning him or her in order to have a soldier sent home and that it is OK for the doctor to release information about the family relative. If there is a death in the family, the Red Cross will need the phone number to call to confirm the information you are giving them.
The reason that it is important to carry this information in your wallet is because I got a phone call from another military mom asking how to get a hold of the Red Cross to bring one of the boys home. I didn't have the number with me (it was taped to my refrigerator at home) and I had to look it up. It took longer than normal because I was really nervous.
The first thing they will do is meet with a recruiter. The recruiter will give them basic information so that they are informed. The next step is to take the ASVAB test. This is the entrance test that everyone joining the military must take. I purchased the ASVAB book at Barnes and Noble a few weeks before the test so that my son would be prepared for what to expect. He was also able to take a "pre-test" at the recruiters office to see how well he would do without studying. The better they do on the ASVAB test, the more likely they will get a job in the catagory that they want.
Once they take the test and find out the results, they pick the job they qualify for (this depends on how they score on the test. There are different categories for different scores. The better they score, the more jobs are available to them). The recruiter will notify you within the next few weeks of the date that they need to show up at the MEPS site to go to basic training or boot camp.
What do they take with them? The recruiter will give you a list of items they need to bring with them.
Where will they live? They will live in barracks which is a large room with bunk beds and a closet and there is a bathroom for them to share.
Will they be fed? Of course! The military won't starve our kids! They have breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Will they get to sleep in? NO! They can't party all night or sleep in all day like we let them do! They get up at around 5am and do physical training and then they eat breakfast. More training and then lunch. More training and then dinner.
After 9 weeks or so of basic training, they may go on to more advanced training towards their chosen job. Once that training is almost done and they find out that they'll graduate, they'll notify you of the graduation date. Don't expect them to notify you ahead of time. You'll find out approximately 2 weeks before graduation. You won't have enough time to purchase those cheep airline tickets ahead of time to save money. Make the reservations as soon as you get the exact date and time.
After graduation they will find out where they will be stationed next. Our experience is that he/she will come home for approximately two weeks and then they'll be off to their first duty station. I found that it was very helpful to get cell phone numbers of my son's buddies. This way, if my son's cell phone is not working or turned off, I can call one his buddies and get a message to him.
Most military personnel get "leave" of approximately two weeks, twice a year. During this two week "leave", don't make any plans for your son/daughter. They He/she will first want to be welcomed home by the family and as soon as they could possibly leave, they will want to hook up with their friends for longer periods of time. The best thing for you is not to expect anything and you won't be disappointed. You'll experience this on your own the first time your soldier comes home on leave.
Here are some helpful tips for family members:
Get a passport at the post office as soon as possible. If your soldier is injured during a deployment, they will be sent to a hospital in Germany. Having your passport will allow you to travel to be with your soldier. The post office requires two passport photos and will take these photos for you at a charge of $15.00. COSTCO only charges $5.99 for these photos.
Always keep your cell phone with you (like a piece of jewelry) so that you never miss his call. Some parents get an 800 number so that the soldier can call home for free.
If you bank at the same bank: Go into your local bank with your soldier and have the bank link your son's back account to yours so that when he calls asking for money, all you have to do is transfer money from your account to his. Transferring money from your account to his can be done easily online too (I speak from experience. I can't tell you how many times my son called me asking me if I could put money into his account so that he can buy a pizza for dinner. I wish the Army taught them how to budget money!!!). Each soldier needs an ATM card. His paychecks will get direct deposited into his checking account and he can pull money out of the account using his ATM card.
Calling Cards:
DOMESTIC: Most calling cards from your local supermarket work from payphones inside the United States and make good gifts to give a soldier at his going away party if relatives don't know what to give them as a gift.
INTERNATIONAL: Once a soldier is deployed, we found that they'll need an AT&T international calling card. Most bases overseas locations have AT&T phones and they must have an AT&T calling card to use these phones. These cards can be ordered online and they are mailed to you. If you do this months ahead of time you can give them to your soldier BEFORE he deploys. Check out the following website and purchase them online at AAFES.com We recommend this website because these are the types of cards that you can add money to. All you need is the 800 number and the pin number on the back of the card so that you can add extra minutes on it simply using your credit card. There are free phones that the soldiers can use to call home, but the lines are long. Giving them calling cards allows them to use any payphone and they don't have to stand in line.
Do's and Don'ts:
Do expect to cry often. It's not everyday that our kids leave our comfort zone.
Don't expect family, friends and co-workers to know how you feel. Unless they have or had a soldier in the military, they just don't get it!
Do find a local support group of families with military soldiers. The one's who have already "been there and done that" can give you tips on how to survive emotionally.
Do be careful driving! You will find it difficult concentrating on anything, but please be careful on the roads. Sometimes it's the best time to let it out and cry and you can vent without upsetting other people.
Do expect to get angry as you watch people go about their everyday lives. It will seem surreal to you, as your world seems so different.
Don't believe that watching CNN 24/7 will tell you everything. The safety of our troops and international relations is more important than our immediate need to know. Accept that fact and turn off the TV.
Don't press for information your Soldier can't tell you. More than anything I'm sure you want to know exactly where they are. Accept the fact that there are things they cannot tell you. Example: My son is in Iraq. Period. I have no idea where and I won't find out until he comes home.
Do put a pad of paper near your phone and write down things you want to ask or tell them. It may be awhile before you get a phone call but it can come at any hour of the day or night and you are going to be SO excited that there's no way you're going to remember what questions you have unless they're written down. Keep your conversations uplifting. Try not to let them know how you suffer, because it hurts them to think they are causing you pain. They need to focus on their jobs. They want to know how you and their loved ones are. Always end every conversation with I LOVE YOU. When deployed, always begin a conversation with I LOVE YOU in case you get cut off before the end of the conversation. When they call from overseas you will hear a delay in the line before you hear their voice. Make it a habit not to hang up the phone until you hear a voice on the other end of the line.
Do remember that you have other members in your family that need you too! Don't just plaster your soldiers pictures on the living room wall if you have more than one child.
When Our Soldier Deploys: The soldier will be completing a Power of Attorney and mailing it to a relative a few days before he deploys. This POA should be placed inside an envelope and taped to your refrigerator along with the soldier's name, rank, branch, address, social security number and cell phone number to reach him at (if stationed inside the U.S.). If there is an emergency at home, the military sends a First Responder to the home. The First Responder is trained to check the refrigerator for an envelope containing the soldier's contact (or personal) information. This is usually taught to every soldier during basic training.
Most soldiers have a My Space or Facebook account. Figure out how to add not only your soldier's profile to your account, but those of his military buddies too. I was able to see that one of them were online while they were deployed to Iraq and it eased my mind. Although I had to offer a care package to whichever of his buddies added me to their account, it worked! Most soldiers also have some type of instant messenger program. Find out which one they use and download it onto your computer. My son used AIM (Aim Instant Messenger), so I logged on each day when I got to work and I could see when he logged on. I told him that I would have AIM turned on all day while at work, just in case he needed to talk to me. His buddies also allowed me to add them to my account, but it was agreed that I wouldn't use it unless I needed them to get a message to my son right away.
What To Do In Cases of Emergency To Get Your Soldier Home - This information should be placed inside the envelope on your refrigerator AND inside your wallet (in case you are not home). If there is a medical emergency with a relative of the soldier, someone MUST call the Red Cross at 1-800-951-5600 in order to have him sent home (preferably a relative, but sometimes that is not possible). Don't try calling the soldier on his cell phone and ask him to fly home, it MUST be done through the Red Cross. The Red Cross will need the following information to open a case: Soldiers FULL name, Social Security Number, Date of Birth, if inside the United States they'll need the base that the soldier is stationed at. If outside the United States, they'll need his military address. They also need his Rank and Branch of Service. The Doctor's name and phone number and the name of the hospital will also be requested at that time. As soon as they hang up with you, they will call the doctor. Be sure to tell the doctor ahead of time that the Red Cross will be phoning him or her in order to have a soldier sent home and that it is OK for the doctor to release information about the family relative. If there is a death in the family, the Red Cross will need the phone number to call to confirm the information you are giving them.
The reason that it is important to carry this information in your wallet is because I got a phone call from another military mom asking how to get a hold of the Red Cross to bring one of the boys home. I didn't have the number with me (it was taped to my refrigerator at home) and I had to look it up. It took longer than normal because I was really nervous.
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